My newest rotation

I just started ob/gyn at Hutzel Women's Hospital in Detroit this week and all I can really say is...wow.

Here is the hospital I am at. Beautiful huh? ;)

Here is me in my little scrub suit and a lame mirror pic, but I know blogs are a little boring without pictures.

First of all, anyone who knows me knows my frustration with having to be back in Detroit and not getting a rotation in Kalamazoo, so I was frankly not too pumped about anything about this rotation. I have only had three days there, but have learned so much. I am on the labor and delivery floor, and get to help follow patients and deliver babies from 6:30am-7pm each week day. I have not only learned so much about obstetrics and gynecology but about me, and God, and what I want to do with my life. I cannot believe the brokenness and sadness that some most parts of my day bring me. Most of these girls are teenagers, and have no family or no dad for their baby in sight. On one hand I am blown away by the whole birthing process, and how you are literally just staring at a mess really (not to be too graphic), and then the next moment there is a little babies head just right there. And then a whole baby. Even the c-sections (which seem so painful and awful and I want to avoid) are so crazy. How you make a cut and just pull out a baby (which I know it is not that simple, but to me, standing there holding a retractor that's what it is). Every time I want to cry and hug and cheer. But sadly I have not seen that yet. If there is any family in the room (most of the time the girl is alone), there is not really any excitement. I know they must be exhausted and yadda ya, but it seems like there should still be some sight of happiness. It makes me so sad for these babies, and these poor alone, overwhelmed mothers. I have seen a 12 year old pregnant, delivered a 20 year olds baby who is on her 5th pregnancy, a girl that told me her complications were probably due to her abortions, so many people with no prenatal care, and a lady who's twins had to be taken away from her because she was high at the time of delivery.

 These three days could have been a fluke and maybe I will see much more happiness and different stories, but here is what I have learned about myself so far:

- I want to have kids, and lots of them.
- I have never been so pro-adoption in my whole life. I have always been such a huge fan of adoption and believe it's such an awesome and unique opportunity and reflection of how God adopts us, but I want to now more than ever.
- I think I want to work in low socio-economic situation or inner city. I have wanted to go into primary care and my favorite part of my work in health care has always been explaining things to patients to actually help them understand what is going on, and I feel like there is not a lot of that going on for people on medicaid. (Also, I understand that I have no idea how that would work, or what a job like this would look like, and I bet a lot of health care people say this, and I am sure people read this and think that I am just naive and haven't been hardened to the system. And really I hope I always have hope for people and don't get hardened).
- This is God's world, and he has not lost control of this. Even though it seems so bad, and sad, He is good, and has won the battle. I don't understand (and I am sure I wont on this side of heaven) why some people who are so prepared for motherhood cant get pregnant and why some of these girls are on drugs and get pregnant have have abortions. This has stretched me and forced me simply to trust God and just have faith when I cannot see.
- I cannot live apart from Mark. Holy cow, I have no idea how we did this all last year....like driving home on the weekends and only seeing each other for a few hours. Wow, I miss him during the week!

So, I will try to stay updated on life on the weekends when I have internet.
And 82 days till I am done with school! FOREVER!! :)