Worst. Week. Ever.

So.
Most people have probably heard all this by now, but for the sake of completeness (since we have been so complete in blogging our lives...) I will summarize everything for you.

Weekend before week at U of M: Awesome.
I felt like crap (I have to go off my thyroid medicine for 5-6 weeks, and since I have no thyroid gland, I have no thyroid hormones in my body. This was needed for the scans they were going to do at UofM). To give you a reference your TSH is normally about 0.4-4.0...mine got up to 75. So I felt extremely fatigued, and moody and so sore. Those were my main symptoms. But! I actually had a nice weekend. My littlest sister Lex was home, which obviously makes me pumped. I got to see our friends Michael and Mandy from Colorado twice while they were in town. Which was soooo encouraging and fun and just wonderful. Church on Sunday was SO good. It was amazing worship and just such a great sermon. They sang the song "Great I Am," which is an amazing song.  So I immediately downloaded to my phone and started listening to it on repeat. I think God was preparing my heart and mind a little...But back to my awesome weekend...I got to babysit Anna and Amy Saturday night. And Sunday Jenna came home and before Mark worked we got to have a family lunch/dinner. Anna and Amy were over to play Sunday and so life was just peachy. Oh yeah and MSU beat UofM. That added to the awesomeness  of the weekend too!

Monday: Pretty great.
Mark and I (and Lex - we had to drop her off in East Lansing on our way) head to Uof M. We knew it would be a whirlwind of scans and tests but all we could think about is the fun we would have staying at our apartment in Detroit that night. We were pumped. (And yes we still have our apartment in Detroit even though I am currently in Kalamazoo living at home - long story). So, U of M is extremely efficient and we zipped right around the hospital getting blood work, chest xrays, baseline scans and measurements for everything Tuesday. Oh yeah, and we had the best parking spot ever. Everything seemed to go really well. We went back to the apartment and rented a redbox movie and made dinner and just loved being in our own space enjoying a little date night. (Mark has Mondays off because that's usually our BSF night).  We had a blast. It literally felt like such a fun getaway!

Tuesday - Thursday: Terrible.
We knew this would be a busy day again. We got to the hospital on time and got a few hours worth of scans (literally). Mark waited patiently and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Mark had to work Tuesday night (at Pizza Hut), and so my mom was coming to switch with him and stay with me. So my mom got there and we got to eat lunch with her - and Uof M has a realllllllly nice cafeteria. I am still on this iodine free diet so couldn't really take full advantage, but it was great. Well, then Mark left for work and my mom and I went to the next appointment which was the meeting with the doctor.
So we waited.
And they put us in the little room.
And we waited.
And waited.
And nervously talked. And wondered what was taking so long.
(the thyroid cancer clinic is not exactly booming with patients)
So in strolls the two doctors and she small talks for a few minutes and then...
The cancer is back.
And then she showed me on the scans where it wasn't there on last year's scans, and lit up hugely this year.
What?
This is suppose to be the cancer that you get with surgery and radiation and then you are done.
She explained that she was surprised to see this.
That 95% of the time the first treatment gets it.
That there were some cells on my right side of my neck behind my trachea that multiplied into this mass.
Ugh.
I was so thrown off.
So she explained how I would get radiation that day and then hopefully it would be gone. She had everything all calculated out (which is what took so long), and I was going to get that dose right now. Oh yeah and that my salivary glands were damaged from the last radiation. And now I get more. Double the dose of last year. Yay. Let me do a back flip I am so excited.
Ugh.
I was mad.
But the doctor was straight forward and just told us what to do.
And so we went.
Down to the cancer center pharmacy to get some zofran (to not be nauseous) to take before the radiation. I called Mark on the way. (Ummm fun call). He was so mad he wasn't there. I felt terrible for him. He was so upset.
But, we got the medicine, I gave my mom a hug (knowing that I would have to be in isolation for 5 days), signed my life away, and off I went for radiation. See last years post about isolation;
So we drove home as fast as we could. I cannot pee until I get home and in my own bathroom (and then have to flush multiple times, blah, blah, blah). I did not feel good at all, but my mom made me a PB and J and cut up apples for me (I am a 4 year old), and I went to set up my isolation station. Well like 30 minutes after I get home, I get a call from Mark. I usually don't get many calls from him while delivering, but I figure he is making sure I am still okay, but nope. He was in a car accident. A 16 year old was doing something on her phone (uggggggggggh) and ran a stop sign and smashed into the side of Marks car. He is okay. (Which I really am so grateful for, and literally the day could have been SOOO much worse if he was not okay- and I am so grateful that God protected his body). His car is totaled though. He just did all this work (see a few posts back) with his dad fixing his car up too. The girl got a ticket, and the police officer drove Mark back to Pizza Hut and his car got towed off to the shop. It was sad. But I figured Pizza Hut or his insurance (I feel like we pay enough for insurance that they would like send us a brand new car) would cover things. So I was able to sleep.
For an hour.
And then I was rudely awaken out of a dead sleep with a terrrrrrrible stomach ache. Literally my whole intestines hurt so bad, and I was so nauseous. Ugh. I went to the bathroom and I will spare you details but I puked up everything I have eaten in the past month. I could not stop. And I knew I was puking up radioactive material. How did I know? Well they told me that might happen, but I knew because I felt my sinuses burning like none other. Like that feeling of chlorine up your nose? Multiply that by a million and that's what it felt like. Unrelenting. And I could not stop dry heaving. And I am in isolation so no one could come near me. Mark and my mom were both sleeping upstairs so I just called the home phone and my mom answered. I told her to come immediately. I was really snappy with her and crying and she was amazing. (Side note: My mom is amazing. She really is. She had an emotionally hard day, and I literally bossed her around and snapped at her for hours in the middle of the night, and she was so patient with me, and called everyone we needed to call, and discussed things with the on call doctor at 4am. She could not come near me, or the bathroom, but she was so patient). (Another side note: You might be asking ummm where is your husband? He was sleeping. He just had a terribly emotional day, and I figured if the phone call and all my chaos in the basement didn't wake him up than he just needs to sleep. You can nominate me for wife of the year later ;). Also, he is not so good with puking and calling doctors for medical advice. And so, some things in life are just best handled by moms. And I knew he would be better suited to go to the store and pick up meds and handle all the errands the next day if he had a full tank of sleep.) Anyway. I literally thought I was going to die. I somehow made it through the night and next couple terrible days. My stomach felt like crap and I just felt so nauseous all the time, and my sinuses and glands all burned so bad and were so swollen (confirmed by a scan done today - so I really am not crazy). We also had to deal with Mark's car situation during these past couple days. Which was terrible. I am not even going into that, but it was stressful. And after meeting with insurance people we get....drumrollll....$500 from the PLPD insurance we have on Mark's car and the accident not being his fault. We had recently changed his insurance to plpd to trim down our budget. AH. And Pizza Hut doesn't have any reimbursement for someone hitting you while you are delivering for you. At least we have the 15% off coupon from Pizza Hut. Ugh.  I will let Mark discuss everyything else with the car situation.
 We were just a terrible duo those few days. Both of us felt like we were in way over our head and we were miserable but we could not be near each other (because I was radioactive). So any communication was texting or yelling from other rooms.

Friday: Ashes to beauty.
We had to go back to UofM for more scans and fun, and I was mad. I have not felt well, slept well, eaten and just am generally mad. But off my mom, Mark and I went. On the drive I had a huge meltdown. Actually, that'd be an understatement. Getting off the highway to the hospital I started lashing out at my mom and being so mean to her. I was sobbing and could not get control of my emotions. Anyway, I will spare you details, but I literally walked the whole way to the appointment (which is about 300 yards) sobbing with my mom and Mark trailing a few feet behind me (because again no one can be close to me - and I'm sure they didn't want to be). I am sure I looked hideous. I did not care one single bit. Luckily I got my act together while laying in the scanner and Mark played peacekeeper and smoothed over the damage I had done with my mom in the waiting room.
And so we left.
And I felt a little better.
And that's where I will stop for now. But things are looking up.
I will go back to UofM in 6 weeks for further tests, and they really wont be able to tell if all the cancer is gone until I go back in 6 months for more extensive tests.

Also, everyone who facebooked/emailed/texted nice things during this time. THANKYOU. I literally think I would have totally lost it without the encouragement and prayers that I received. You made a huge difference. Even though I did not return calls or texts well at all, please know you brightened my day. I went and read each message and the long string of comments on my whiny status on facebook at least a dozen times. Thanks!!!

Mark is posting soon. So get pumped.

Happy Anniversary?

Yes, that question mark is suppose to be there.

So this past week has been crazy, awful, gross, sad, and everything else. But let me catch you up by starting with the week before this one.

A few days ago I came home and there was this nice (like Hallmark) card sitting on the top of the mess on our desk. It was a fancy card, and I could tell had something in it like a gift card and something else. Sweet I thought, someone messed up our anniversary a little (or a lot) and we just got a little unexpected present. (Mark and I had not discussed this said card due to our crazy schedules - although we are living in the same room he is working nights and I am working days, so we don't chat much). Anyway, I saw this card and for some reason got really excited. Well my excitement was fleeting as I opened it I read that it was from Pizza Hut. And the gift inside? It was a pin. And the gift card? 15% off at Pizza Hut. Ummm...not what I was hoping for. (Before you think I am a huge brat - this is like week 6 of being off my thyroid medicine and in the middle of this terrible diet as I prepared for scans - and being just kinda discouraged in general). I was sad. I actually started crying. While I get as excited as the next person for a card and coupon (probably more excited than the next person).
I was not.
At all.
I was so frustrated with God. Here's what I was thinking "How on earth could we still be here, one year later God?" Mark has been delivering pizzas for a fast food restaurant for a year. I am prepping for cancer scans and still thinking about cancer a year later. We are still living in my bedroom at my mom's house, Mark is still applying/interviewing for jobs A YEAR LATER - uhhh God, this was NOT suppose to be like this."
And then I heard God say...
Nothing.
I just layed in our bed furious. And I cried and pouted. And wished we had so many other peoples' lives.

This is Amy demonstrating my attitude.
(P.S. I stood by and took this and love this picture - worst babysitter ever? Probably.)
(P.S.S. I took her for ice cream after and she recovered nicely)

Luckily, my pout fest did not last too long. I kept thinking about being content. I had recently listened to a sermon about how it is a sin to look at other people with envy (umm, confession - I look at some peoples facebook pages solely because I know they will get me all rev-ed up and make me jealous), and we are commanded to be content.
With Pizza Hut.
With living at home.
With the health situation I am in.
So. I decided (although didn't exactly feel it, I made the choice) to be content with where we are, and being thankful what we have been blessed with (which is sooo much by the way).

P.S. Being content does not mean that Mark is not looking for jobs (constantly), or that we are not getting treatment for cancer. Just to clarify that :).